He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
