Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I enjoy the company of your penis
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
