Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
