Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
