i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Buhtt sex?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
