Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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