i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
