Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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