Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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