You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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