a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize