i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
