so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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