I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
