I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
