Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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