i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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