Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
