Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
