All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
