Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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