have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
