I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How does one acquire holy water?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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