that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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