im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
