I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
