Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sarcasm needs its own font
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
