you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
