Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
