I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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