Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
