i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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