and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
