Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
