between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
