I'm drive I can fine osifer
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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