the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
