youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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