Sry I called you an 8
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Randomize
