I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
foreskin is a definite game changer
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
