Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
