those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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