Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
