why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
