I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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