I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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