I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
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i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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