I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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