Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
