You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.