your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"