You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him