i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?