I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.