Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
