you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We need a shit load of segways right now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
