So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
