Can Purell be used as lube?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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