just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
