Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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