Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
