Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize