I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Are my feet made of real feet?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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