dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
