is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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