I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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