Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
