I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
