When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
