I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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