good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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