bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
