apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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